It was 7PM on Sunday night, and Jovanny wanted me dead. Already convicted of the grievances laid out against me, the bounty had only yet to be placed, if he himself didn’t get his hands on me first. I couldn’t exactly blame him, and suffice to say the sentiment was almost mutual. For days we had been trying to meet to build our crate together, and for days one of us would be unable to make the rendezvous. Tensions rose, and the deadline drew nearer by each ticking hour, all while our humble stack of lumber gathered sawdust beneath an ever-growing number of finished projects. I speak of this story’s breaking point however, and while this wouldn’t be an Owen Button blog post without a troubled and turmoiled start, I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me take you back to the beginning…
“All this happened, more or less.”
-Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse V
Even before the project was officially posted, Jovanny and I had a plan for our crate. They may not have been consistent with each other, but each of us did in fact have a plan. Based on my grandpa’s carpentry work, I envisioned a rustic container with a polished finish, something that wouldn’t look out of place in his shop. Jovanny had in the meantime fallen in love with spray painting, and while I was never able to entirely confirm what his vision for the project was, I suspect the result would have been a melange of mismatched colors with little resemblance to my dear barn board.
The finish, rooted in unfounded optimism, was however a later issue, and we instead began our process of construction by preparing our roughly-cut pile of wood for later assembly. The crate’s structure was comprised of a wooden base made from three 1×4 slats pressed tightly together, four 2×2 posts in each corner to outline the frame, and three rings of 1×4 slats to form the outside walls, with a 3/4” gap between each slat layer. Our wood came pre-cut for the task.
The first step we undertook was adding a rounded edge to our 1×4 slats, which we achieved through the use of a table router. We then sanded down the surfaces and corners of all of our wooden materials with orbital sanders, during which I likely inhaled enough sawdust to be my own self-contained fire hazard. With this initial preparation achieved at the end of the day on Thursday, we retired for the night, and resolved to return the following day.
Suffice to say, this did not go to plan. The nights passed us by, and each time, one of us, the other, or both were preoccupied with other responsibilities. Stress rose, messages were exchanged in vain, until on Sunday night, Jovanny and I both managed to be at the OEDK at the same time. Realizing that this was an opportunity we could not afford to miss, we immediately got to work.
The two of us reasoned that the best way to begin assembly was by constructing the first three sides of the lowest row of 1×4 slats, the one that would be in direct contact with the base boards. We would then attach the base boards, and then secure them inside the frame with the fourth 1×4 slat. We would then proceed to add the 2×2 frame posts, and then add each 1×4 slat layer sequentially.
Utilizing a right angle wood clamp, we lined up each 1×4 slat, and used a 1/4” drill bit with a countersink attachment to both pilot for the screw and countersink. We then used a hammer drill with a Torx bit to drive the screws in. This process had a bit of a learning curve for me; overdoing the countersink sometimes led to my screws being put far deeper into the slats than I would’ve liked, though I was ultimately able to refine this process over the course of the crate.
We then repeated this process for the base boards and secured them with the final 1×4 slat, though this took some minor sanding to get the base to fit within the frame. We then attached the 2×2 frame posts by screwing them into the slat frame, as opposed to the base. Each post was secured by 2 screws to each slat layer. We followed the same method of piloting, countersinking, and screwing, and were able to utilize the same two drill bits over the course of the entire project.
With this frame in place, we built out each slat layer, measuring out the dimensions of each one using the frame, then assembling it separate from the main crate. We then placed each row onto the frame, and attached it using the same method as above.
An intermediate stage involved cutting out handles from the top two 1×4 short slats. We initially tried to accomplish this through a combination of rasps and sanding, though we quickly realized that this method was going nowhere, and after a few minutes of deliberation, moved to the bandsaw, which proved to be a far more effective method.
With the crate assembly finally completed, we initially finished the crate with a full sanding by hand. After realizing that we had a substantial amount of time left in the night, we decided to go the extra mile and stain the box black. The following morning, I added a final finish of beeswax-based butcher block conditioner. Thus, the crate was finally completed.
At the end of it all, Jovanny stated that he had started this endeavor without any faith in our project. Indeed, he mentioned this several times throughout the process, each time during a crisis or calamity in the face of which I can’t entirely blame him for losing hope. I myself have to admit that my own confidence in woodwork was tested throughout the construction of the blackbox—the name of which goes far deeper than our choice in stain color. A black box is defined as a system in which the inputs and outputs are known, but the inner functions of which are anybody’s guess. In the case of our crate, we knew what went into it (listed below) and what came out of it, but the process by which the container was realized was, at times, unclear to even us.
COST ANALYSIS
56 wood screws – $7. 89
1×4 lumber – $9.42 for 17 ft
2×2 lumber – $5.94 for 2, 8 foot long pieces
Black wood stain – $9.98
Labor – 5 hours x $10/hr – $50
Total – $73.81
